I have a hard time making New Year's resolutions. Actually, what I have a hard time with is introspection and long term goals. For so many years now, I've lived in the moment and the near-moments because of the kids. I can't think about my five-year plan because I've barely been getting enough sleep to coherently do the laundry and grocery shopping each week. Plus, if I think too much about long term goals I start to realize that at nearly 39 years old (just 8 more shopping days, by the way) I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
It isn't so much that I don't know what I'd like, it's more of a matter of what I'm willing to do to get there. I used to want to be an attorney, but somewhere along the line I decided I just didn't want to work that hard and have a family. When I was pregnant with my first I had just started a new job that I didn't love, but I did think that it could lead me places I would love so I struggled with whether or not I wanted to be an at-home mom or a working mom. What really solidified my decision to stay home was September 11, 2001. I just decided that life is too short and too unpredictable, that I really should spend my time doing something really important to me rather than something that "could" be important.
I don't regret it at all (well, sometimes when I'm knee deep in poop and puke I might waiver a bit), but I also know that this is not a permanent state of being and in five years all of my little ones will be in school so I'll have a bit more flexibility. I guess what I'm saying is, my resolution for this year is to work on deciding whether or not I want to overcome my fear of five-year plans and if I decide that I can overcome that hurdle, maybe I'll think about putting a five-year plan into action --- next year.
Here's wishing you a happy and productive 2011, if that's something you're in to.
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