Someday I'm going to miss this, right?

Lately being a good and tolerant parent has been very trying.  My oldest daughter is exasperating and exhausting.  She works hard at ruining every situation she is a part of.  Yesterday I took the three girls to the Second Sunday Market on Main St, as soon as we stepped out of the car Lorelei announced she was bored.  We stayed long enough for me to get some bread, let the little girls look at the water and listen to a multitude of complaints.

We piled back in the car and I took everyone to Meadowbrook Park where I had to force Lorelei to get out of the car.  She then spent the entire 45 minutes we were there closely following me and repeating, "Can we go home now? Can we go home now? Can we go home now? Can we go home now?"  I ignored her, gave no response.  I just continued to follow the little girls around making sure they weren't trying too many daredevil stunts (I did wonder what other parents were thinking of us, though).  Then she changed tactics and started bullying Violet, doing things to put her in danger on the monkey bars.  I was forced to acknowledge her behavior and sent her to sit on a bench.  Shortly after that we decided to go home for lunch - I was completely mentally and physically exhausted by the whole outing.

All that came on the heels of a giant meltdown that happened Friday night, nearly resulting in cancelling her plans for Saturday.  I gave her the opportunity to earn back the outing with her friend on Saturday and she did, but barely.  We were being very generous - it's so hard when another family is involved in the punishment, you don't want to also punish them by cancelling.  I was talking to her friend's mom (who was seeing similar behavior from her kid) and we both agreed that we really hoped it was some sort of early hormonal thing rearing its head and not the fact that we have rotten kids.  (We know we don't because each of us can report that the other's kid always behaves marvelously when they are away from their parents.)

There are a few nuggets from my childhood that surface every once in a while when I'm in the midst of some crazy parenting nightmare that make me think I'm being punished for all the terrible things I did to my parents.  I remember my father telling me when I was a kid, probably just a little older than Lorelei is now, "Just because you're in a bad mood doesn't mean you have to put every one else in a bad mood."  That is exactly how I feel.  I'm struggling with how to not let her tantrums affect my good mood. 

And then there's the bathing problem.  She refuses to bathe.  I'm going to have to start buying her deodorant so she doesn't start offending passing strangers.  Sigh. 

I'm a Bad Mama (jama)

The other day a friend on Facebook posted this:  "Are you the worst mother ever? Prove it. I would like to hear the best reasons for being called the worst mother (father) ever. I will send a cake or madeleines or brownies of the worst mother's (father's) choice to the winner. Yes. Yes it has been that kind of evening."

There were lots of great stories and some that scared me (mostly the mouthy teenager ones, since I'm not there yet).  In general, I don't get told I'm the worst mother - I just get "You're mean!" or "You're not fair!"  I guess that's when I know I've done something right, right?

My number 1 daughter (meaning the first, not the favorite - they are all my most and least favorites at any given time), has really been putting me to the test lately.  She has been super surly, sassy, and mean to everyone around the house.  I know it's hard on her having sisters who are significantly younger - with the ability gaps and naps they still take, there are times that just aren't fun for her.  I was having a talk with her about it recently - how she needs to cut her 3 year old sister some slack, that she just doesn't understand things at the same level as a 9 year old.  And I told her that she needs to stop being so cruel to her sister.  Of course, Violet picked up on this word immediately, so she's going around telling Lorelei not to be cruel or she says to me that Lorelei is cruel to her sometimes.  That just makes Lorelei angrier, so she says/does more mean things.  And so the cycle goes.

Punishing always leads to fun times.  We're on day two of a two day grounding from the computer, so at 7:45 this morning she was moaning, "I'M BORED."  Just love hearing that.  Yesterday I told her that she could do some chores if she was bored, "What if I don't WANT to do chores?"  Deep breath.  "Then don't tell me you're bored."

A couple of days ago my sister told me about an email exchange between Lorelei and my niece.  Niece asked Lorelei what she does when she's bored.  Answer: "Complain."  Niece replied, "Okay, I'll try that next time."  So my lovely daughter is spreading the joy of surly throughout the family.

That stock of wine that I was talking about a couple of posts go, just in case one of you stops by - well, it's getting smaller and smaller.  So, if you're gonna stop by please bring a bottle.

Party all night, stay awake all day

Why oh why oh why do I keep letting that kid go to sleepovers?  Greg and I were talking last night at dinner about how much easier (not easy, just easier) it is to manage two kids versus three because Lorelei was spending the night with a friend.  Never should have said anything because karma (as always) came back to bite me in the ass. 

Pretty much every time she goes to a sleepover, the next day always ends in a giant fight and Lorelei ends up being sent to bed very early.  Tonight she picked endless fights with Violet over nothing, she refused to eat her mac'n cheese because I gave her icky whole grain pasta and no matter how calm we try to stay in the face of her irritability, she is never satisfied until Greg and I have both completely lost it and have to punish her.  So, she was sent to bed at 7:00pm. 

She just cannot handle all the fun and staying up late, it always sends her over the edge.  She so needs her beauty sleep.  Since birth she has been an early riser, when she was a toddler her wake up time was 4:30am.  We alternated who had to get up with her so we could take turns being a zombie for the day. 

Once she knew how to read numbers we put a digital clock in her room and told her she could not wake us up until it said SIX OH OH.  There was one glorious morning when she actually slept in until a few minutes after 6:00am, so she missed seeing the SIX OH OH - that was the first morning since her birth that we woke up on our own with no kid-alarm going off!

Now she generally sleeps until 6:30 or 7:00am, but alas, we have two others to make sure somebody is up by 6:00am.  Thankfully Greg decided a few years ago that I was a much nicer wife and mother if he got up with the super early girls and let me get a bit more sleep.  I think he's a keeper.

PS - next weekend should be just as fun, Lorelei has a birthday party sleepover on the schedule.